Cleric Bronner's Mystical Soap

It's REALLY good soap


Cleric Bronner’s Mysical Soap can remove almost any stain or scent. For one encounter after use, Cleric Bronner’s Mystical Soap grants a +2 Bonus against smells, stinks, funks, or breath weapons.


No one is really sure where Cleric Bronner comes from, or where he goes to. All anyone knows is the Cleric Bronner spreads the gospel of his Mystical Soap in every dimension, creating monasteries dedicated to his “Moral Ac-Beorc-Cen” and the making of soaps. The soaps are of high quality, inexpensive for the common adventurer, and get out almost any stains or stenches (including the lich crotch musk so common to enchanted jockstraps).

As far as anyone knows, the soaps themselves are not magical, just made from a formula of the highest quality and secrecy. It is known that all ingredients are organic, fair trade, and natural, unlike many other soaps, which are made via conjuration and poaching.

The labels of the soaps also serve as an evangelical device – each label is printed with “highlights” of the “Moral Ac-Beorc-Cen”, although not a COMPLETE rendition of all it’s tenets. If anything, each variety of soap contains some fragment of this legendary moral guide, but no one has ever managed to piece it all together despite centuries of trying.

Here is a sample from the Wolfsbane Soap :

“3rd: For the University: A kelpie can only love its friend! Lacking frontal lobes, it must fear-smear-slay-slander-dominate-dictate-distort or devour anything it does not understand or disagrees with, that’s a kelpie! But a humanoid being knowing full-truth, the Kingdom of He Who Was’s Law, must teach friend & enemy the Moral Ac-Beorc-Cen to help unite all hunanoid-kind in our Eternal Creator’s great All-One-God-Faith, or that being is not yet Humanoid, a traitor to He Who Was’s Race!”

And a sample from the Greenbane Soap :

“Like a beacon breaking through dark clouds that pass; your deep embrace, your sensuous kiss, who else but He Who Was can make Love last 1 trillion years of sweet eternities! Who else but He Who Was! We are not true, while calculated calm controls us; blood flows near spirit in cold divided flame! Only love’s stormy passion, striking deep within us; can turn blood to spirit & spirit to blood, untamed! Spirit to blood, untamed!”

Consultation with the soap-making monks and nuns of Cleric Bronner’s Mystical Monistaries has resulted in the beleif that you have to be truely devoted and spend years studying (and inhaling soap fumes) to fully understand the Moral Ac-Beorc-Cen. But most of the Prime Material Planes are willing to accept that.

Because it’s REALLY good soap.

Available wherever adventuring gear is sold, in solid bars or vial of liquid, and in a variety of pleasing scents.

Cleric Bronner's Mystical Soap

Campaign of Errors ksonney